A Prayer for Charity

"O my soul, what are you doing? Are you not aware that God sees you always? You can never hide yourself from His sight. O Father, have pity on us because we are blind and in darkness. Drive out the darkness and give me light. Melt the ice of my self-love and kindle in me the fire of Your charity." ~ St. Catherine of Siena

Sparkle

This week I am cleaning out my desk at work to begin a new chapter on my journey. This morning I found this prayer and liked the wording ...

Peacemakers Prayer

O God of peace,
sparkle our staleness with your hope,
invade the depth of our being with new courage,
defeat us in your love.

Grant that our lives may be:
surprising in forgiveness and healing,
abounding in joy and laughter,
daring in deeds and dreams of justice.

May we be do-ers, makers, pray-ers of peace
in memory of Christ Jesus. Amen.

(From the Dedication Liturgy of Peacemakers Chapel, Walsh College Canton, Ohio - 1984)

The Desert

Oh Jesus how I need your grace and mercy. I am in a desert. That is how I feel right now. Yet I wonder how fruitful this time has been for me. What is this desert I speak of? The past 9 months have been a desert experience for me. For in my meditations this Holy Week, I am seeing some beautiful and thought provoking metaphors between Jesus' time in the desert and my time in Manhattan.

Although Jesus never fell into the temptations of Satan, I must confess though that I have fallen. I have been tripped up by Satan's scheming as well as my lack of trust and faith in Jesus or the prideful ways I keep trying to contend with Satan through only my own power. I need you Jesus.

I feel alone, tired, apathetic, lazy and hungry. Definitely not hungry for food, hungry for a more fulfilling way of life; life lived in the spirit of God, life impassioned with the sacraments, life absorbed with His divine power and strength.

Be perfect as God your Father is perfect. I can only do or attempt such a command if I am united ever so constantly to our Lord in prayer and thought. May this Holy Week be a chance to unite ourselves ever more closely to our Savior.

Did I mention that the chapel here at the student center has a line of students waiting for confession - a line that loops all the way around the back of the chapel and out into the lobby - Awesome? Yes, definitely!

Chaos

So I feel inspired to write tonight. It's been a long time as one of you had mentioned. Today has been chaos. So it was over a year ago that my coworker at the time and I decided that energy drinks and I aren't always a good mix. I love how active and super productive I am on such days when artificial energy is rushing through my veins. You should see how jerky my fingers are as I type tonight. Nevertheless, this morning I decided to enjoy a cappuccino and powerbar as I was driving on the open road back to my desert. More on my desert in my next posting ...

But I didn't just stop with that delicious breakfast. Instead as I arrived at work, I pounded back a large can of Monster Khaos. And then well, I methodically attacked my to do list. I'm really good at procrastinating and well I'm leading a mission trip next week to Denver for 15 college students, so what I'm saying is that I already have a lot of nervous energy and excitement anyway as well a decent amount of things to accomplish within these next two days.

But as I've been rushing here and there I'm noticing a characteristic of chaos within my rushing about today. But I also find it interesting that I've been enjoying myself today. I've been somewhat disappointed in my lack of personal organization and productivity these past couple months. Wow my brain is scattered - hmm, I wonder why.

So what am I saying? I haven't felt a sense of urgency in my life lately. I've been set on cruise control and haven't been challenged, personally or professionally. I've realized that I don't like living on my own. I love the dynamic of how living with a great roommate both challenges you to grow in virtue and share in good familial camaraderie.

So if you are experiencing some chaos right now I pray you are either enjoying the rush of life around you or that you step back for a moment to see the beauty of the many moments that are occurring around you.

Solitude

Oh what an unexpected blessing this Christmas has been! I have found myself in Kansas City by myself for two days. I had invitations to spend time with friends and their families but God was really placing it on my heart to be alone. Why alone I wondered? I am currently residing in Manhattan and feel like I am TOO alone. Nevertheless, I trusted the movements of the Spirit and found myself looking for things to do. I enjoyed Avatar, some sushi and then drove back to my buddies house where I was crashing. I shoveled the driveway and then readied myself for Midnight Mass. I arrived early to get a place in case it packed in like some Midnight Masses in the area and found myself time to journal, pray evening prayer and even partake in the sacrament of confession. And then after mass, I experienced quite the adventure trying to drive home in a blizzard. I had to stop and get gas ... which is a story in itself. But did make it home safely that night.

My Christmas morn was very un-traditional. I awoke late and shoveled the driveway again and then walked down to QuikTrip for a Christmas Lunch of taquitos, Hostess donettes and cappuccino. Weird enough I enjoyed it. Then after an afternoon of holiday movies and working on some personal projects, my solitude turned into an evening of Chinese food with a ol' buddy whom I hadn't seen in 5 years who was also alone but truly stranded at his house. Thank God for a car that can handle snow and ice!

What joys solitude can bring. A peacefulness that can exist within silence and presence of the Lord. I have to include another surprising revelation ... I have only received one present this Christmas and that was from my boss the Wednesday before Christmas. So I spend Christmas without opening a single present. And yet I experienced more joy than any material item could ever bring me. Reflection of how much I am blessed in my life pours life and love into my heart ... an amazing loving family, a wonderful girlfriend for whom I tenderly care and enjoy sharing my life with, the ability to worship freely, sacramental grace which truly affects my corporeal existence, the joy of friends and just life itself, truly blessed am I! Thank you dear Jesus, my Savior and Redeemer.

Prepare

With Advent comes a reminder that we must prepare ... At my church growing up there was often a certain song we would sing at Midnight Mass ... Prepare Ye the Way! I love the melody simply because it's fun to sing but really are we preparing ourselves ... wait a minute ... WHAT are we preparing ourselves for? For Christmas? Okay sure Advent is a time of preparation of the coming of Christ but we sometimes forget ... Christ already came! Sure let's celebrate but this preparation isn't over when Dec 25th rolls around. Are we preparing for the 2nd coming of Christ? Are we preparing for the moment in our lives when our mortal body will no longer be alive? Are we prepared to meet our Maker? To be united with him in heaven? Are we prepared for that ...

Or we are just living ... continually on the run, or walking aimlessly along? What's our destination? Is it Christmas morning or is it the joys of eternity?

Ignorance ...

So I haven't posted in a long while ... but I need to vent for a moment.

I think it's disappointing how some people are rather ignorant ... how does the Church's acceptance of married Anglican clergy (granted we ALREADY accept other married clergy who have converted into the flock) equate to the Holy Father saying all clergy can get married ... I think our educational system needs a kick in the pants. We don't even know how to think anymore.

I suppose this is why the church instructs us to teach the ignorant.