Ignorance ...

So I haven't posted in a long while ... but I need to vent for a moment.

I think it's disappointing how some people are rather ignorant ... how does the Church's acceptance of married Anglican clergy (granted we ALREADY accept other married clergy who have converted into the flock) equate to the Holy Father saying all clergy can get married ... I think our educational system needs a kick in the pants. We don't even know how to think anymore.

I suppose this is why the church instructs us to teach the ignorant.

Striving

Today I talked with a friend. I realized how blessed I am. Here I am at times super frustrated with my problems, worries, frustrations, imperfections ... wondering how to become a better man or at least wondering how be inspire myself to do the things that I know would make me a better one. I wonder what is the fear that is holding me back?

Or better yet why am I letting those negatives out-shine my joy and love and excitement for life. There are so many things waiting for me ... it is time to strive for greatness! To shake off mediocrity and be great.

Today God shared a passage of Scripture through me. "For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope. " Jer 29:11

And also ...
"God has created me to do Him some definite service;
He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another.
I have my mission – I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next.
I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
He has not created me for naught.
I shall do good, I shall do His work;
I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place,
while not intending it,
if I do but keep His commandments and serve Him in my calling.
Therefore, my God, I will put myself without reserve into your hands.
What have I in heaven, and apart from you what want I upon earth?
My flesh and my heart fail,
But God is the God of my heart, and my portion forever. "

I haven't figure out where this second blurb came from yet. If you know please share!

Balance

Balance ... wow that word means so many things to me. Right now it even causes many different emotions. Emotions ranging from confusion to joy and even excitement and uncertainty. And today I sit back and wonder about balancing my "work" and "play" - with a change in job comes a change in routine and schedule. I assume all things have a natural balance if lived properly but today didn't seem like one of those days.

I worked from 8:30-3:30 and then left work did some things, took a nap, and now I find myself back at work at 9pm ... granted I'm taking a few minutes currently to reflect on my day. Weird. It's not a schedule that as I look at it, seems balanced. Am I going to be fruitful working in the morning and in the evenings. As a campus minister, I'm back to the college life in many ways ... I suppose my current calling in life calls for such an adjustment ... it makes sense but I'm hesitant. Wasn't I supposed to "grow up" and live a normal life?

What is a normal life really? Or better yet do I really want to be "normal"? I want to be alive, passionate, on fire, and energetic. Maybe that will require some adjustments. But here's the one thing I've had to search for again these past two weeks ... Emotional Balance, of which can be found most easily through faith and trust in God. Sometimes all we need to do is let go and surrender. HE has things under control.

High Definition

Today I've been thinking about how sometimes I feel more alive than others. The amount of love I feel flowing from my heart or the amount of love I am able to receive from the Almighty is very vivid as of late. I told a friend a couple months ago that when in the state of grace, life seems so much more vibrant, vivid, clairvoyant, and simply bright! It's like if I'm kind of down and dazed and I take some time to stop and be in presence of God with my eyes closed and then I open them, things around me seem brighter even radiant.

I think this is why I love the sun so much! I seem to be living in a world that is ALIVE. I know I've been pondering this concept of being fully alive a lot lately but I think it's an amazing reflection. I have been questioning a lot of things in my life, namely who I am and who God has made me to truely be. Am I living up to His creation or am I letting sin keep me down?

Maybe I'm just letting worries and anxieties to cloud my heart with negative emotions. Thus I'm feeling kind of down and out. I hate living that way ... I want to break free. And I think today He is showing me how. It's time to live life fully and thus see it in high def with His radiance, joy and hope making it ANEW and EVER BEAUTIFUL.

Frozen

You know today I feel alive. I mean pretty alive. I could feel even better but I'd need an extra boost of sacramental grace to make that happen! I decided last night that I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself! How often do we assume the grass is greener on the other side? How often are we waiting to be elsewhere or not simply living in the present. Well I realized its hard to live in the present when you don't know who you are or where you are going. What direction am I going in or who do I want to continuing becoming. My life's only stagnant when I let it be.

Deep down I know who I am and who I want to become but I was frozen. You could I was just trying to make it through. I am experiencing a big transition and well sometimes a big change happens and we are either overwhelmed or we jump fully into it. This time I was overwhelmed. I could write a huge list of things that worry me or that cause hesitancy or simply just make me "freeze." I begin overthinking things ... and so time stops, I quit living and just start wandering aimlessly.

So after a great conversation last night, my friend said to me ... I'm sorry. Granted I really appreciated the compassion and heartfelt conversation. But it got me wondering ... why am I feeling sorry for myself and just getting by? Am I holding on to the past ... oh yeah ... am I scared of the unknown ... sure to some extent ... am I stifling my own creativity and energy ... wow, I guess so. And so before I went to bed last night, I did what I so often used to do ... I made a list.

Today I have direction. Today I live with a purpose. Today I am alive.

Appreciation

I have to admit this last week was an interesting adventure and also a huge array of emotions from up to down to all around. As I was settling into my new apartment I found many things to be true some are as follows ... you can use a pillow case as a dish towel, scrambed eggs can be eaten out of a bowl with your hands, a big red spatula can replace a fork when needed - it's just harder to fit into your mouth, and friends are truly a blessing.

I didn't know taking an hour to be together with friends would mean as much as it does to me right now, even if you are just shooting pool at Gumby's. Thank you. Also a person's legs can get them many places, even if it's over 20 blocks away ... or 1 and a fourth block.

A Stirring

My heart stirs tonight. I am patiently transitioning into my new way of life. I am truly blessed to be working at St. Isidore's and I know great things are going to be happening with the Spirit a movin'. Yet as I make this change I am given the opportunity to take a closer look at myself. Who I am and who I am being called to be is a humbling reflection. Oh how I desire to be a better man.

As I was out walking Zoie tonight, I passed by a house where a father was walking his little daughter around the sidewalk. Oh my heart stirs. I desire to be a father, to have a true companion in a wife and friend on this journey not just some dog to keep me company. Oftentimes our lives aren't on our timeline but on the Almighty's. And well His ways are not our ways. Let us be faithful and patient.