Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Balance ... wow that word means so many things to me. Right now it even causes many different emotions. Emotions ranging from confusion to joy and even excitement and uncertainty. And today I sit back and wonder about balancing my "work" and "play" - with a change in job comes a change in routine and schedule. I assume all things have a natural balance if lived properly but today didn't seem like one of those days.

I worked from 8:30-3:30 and then left work did some things, took a nap, and now I find myself back at work at 9pm ... granted I'm taking a few minutes currently to reflect on my day. Weird. It's not a schedule that as I look at it, seems balanced. Am I going to be fruitful working in the morning and in the evenings. As a campus minister, I'm back to the college life in many ways ... I suppose my current calling in life calls for such an adjustment ... it makes sense but I'm hesitant. Wasn't I supposed to "grow up" and live a normal life?

What is a normal life really? Or better yet do I really want to be "normal"? I want to be alive, passionate, on fire, and energetic. Maybe that will require some adjustments. But here's the one thing I've had to search for again these past two weeks ... Emotional Balance, of which can be found most easily through faith and trust in God. Sometimes all we need to do is let go and surrender. HE has things under control.

Monday, August 3, 2009

High Definition

Today I've been thinking about how sometimes I feel more alive than others. The amount of love I feel flowing from my heart or the amount of love I am able to receive from the Almighty is very vivid as of late. I told a friend a couple months ago that when in the state of grace, life seems so much more vibrant, vivid, clairvoyant, and simply bright! It's like if I'm kind of down and dazed and I take some time to stop and be in presence of God with my eyes closed and then I open them, things around me seem brighter even radiant.

I think this is why I love the sun so much! I seem to be living in a world that is ALIVE. I know I've been pondering this concept of being fully alive a lot lately but I think it's an amazing reflection. I have been questioning a lot of things in my life, namely who I am and who God has made me to truely be. Am I living up to His creation or am I letting sin keep me down?

Maybe I'm just letting worries and anxieties to cloud my heart with negative emotions. Thus I'm feeling kind of down and out. I hate living that way ... I want to break free. And I think today He is showing me how. It's time to live life fully and thus see it in high def with His radiance, joy and hope making it ANEW and EVER BEAUTIFUL.