Saturday, December 26, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
I think it's disappointing how some people are rather ignorant ... how does the Church's acceptance of married Anglican clergy (granted we ALREADY accept other married clergy who have converted into the flock) equate to the Holy Father saying all clergy can get married ... I think our educational system needs a kick in the pants. We don't even know how to think anymore.
I suppose this is why the church instructs us to teach the ignorant.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Or better yet why am I letting those negatives out-shine my joy and love and excitement for life. There are so many things waiting for me ... it is time to strive for greatness! To shake off mediocrity and be great.
Today God shared a passage of Scripture through me. "For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope. " Jer 29:11
And also ...
"God has created me to do Him some definite service;
He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another.
I have my mission – I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next.
I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
He has not created me for naught.
I shall do good, I shall do His work;
I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place,
while not intending it,
if I do but keep His commandments and serve Him in my calling.
Therefore, my God, I will put myself without reserve into your hands.
What have I in heaven, and apart from you what want I upon earth?
My flesh and my heart fail,
But God is the God of my heart, and my portion forever. "
I haven't figure out where this second blurb came from yet. If you know please share!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I worked from 8:30-3:30 and then left work did some things, took a nap, and now I find myself back at work at 9pm ... granted I'm taking a few minutes currently to reflect on my day. Weird. It's not a schedule that as I look at it, seems balanced. Am I going to be fruitful working in the morning and in the evenings. As a campus minister, I'm back to the college life in many ways ... I suppose my current calling in life calls for such an adjustment ... it makes sense but I'm hesitant. Wasn't I supposed to "grow up" and live a normal life?
What is a normal life really? Or better yet do I really want to be "normal"? I want to be alive, passionate, on fire, and energetic. Maybe that will require some adjustments. But here's the one thing I've had to search for again these past two weeks ... Emotional Balance, of which can be found most easily through faith and trust in God. Sometimes all we need to do is let go and surrender. HE has things under control.
Monday, August 3, 2009
I think this is why I love the sun so much! I seem to be living in a world that is ALIVE. I know I've been pondering this concept of being fully alive a lot lately but I think it's an amazing reflection. I have been questioning a lot of things in my life, namely who I am and who God has made me to truely be. Am I living up to His creation or am I letting sin keep me down?
Maybe I'm just letting worries and anxieties to cloud my heart with negative emotions. Thus I'm feeling kind of down and out. I hate living that way ... I want to break free. And I think today He is showing me how. It's time to live life fully and thus see it in high def with His radiance, joy and hope making it ANEW and EVER BEAUTIFUL.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Deep down I know who I am and who I want to become but I was frozen. You could I was just trying to make it through. I am experiencing a big transition and well sometimes a big change happens and we are either overwhelmed or we jump fully into it. This time I was overwhelmed. I could write a huge list of things that worry me or that cause hesitancy or simply just make me "freeze." I begin overthinking things ... and so time stops, I quit living and just start wandering aimlessly.
So after a great conversation last night, my friend said to me ... I'm sorry. Granted I really appreciated the compassion and heartfelt conversation. But it got me wondering ... why am I feeling sorry for myself and just getting by? Am I holding on to the past ... oh yeah ... am I scared of the unknown ... sure to some extent ... am I stifling my own creativity and energy ... wow, I guess so. And so before I went to bed last night, I did what I so often used to do ... I made a list.
Today I have direction. Today I live with a purpose. Today I am alive.
Monday, July 20, 2009
I didn't know taking an hour to be together with friends would mean as much as it does to me right now, even if you are just shooting pool at Gumby's. Thank you. Also a person's legs can get them many places, even if it's over 20 blocks away ... or 1 and a fourth block.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
As I was out walking Zoie tonight, I passed by a house where a father was walking his little daughter around the sidewalk. Oh my heart stirs. I desire to be a father, to have a true companion in a wife and friend on this journey not just some dog to keep me company. Oftentimes our lives aren't on our timeline but on the Almighty's. And well His ways are not our ways. Let us be faithful and patient.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Did I mention that I'm now living with a dog? Zoie. She's somewhat too much of a spaz for me at times but otherwise she's really wonderful. She's already kept me from feeling lonely. It's a great blessing.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Do we take time for reflection and analyzing our goals? As I spent some time with friends last night, one of them asked, "Why are you being all weird?" And I realize its simply because I don't want to let go of the current blessings in my life. I'm trying to control them and HOLD ON to them because I feel them slipping away.
I am usually so excited about change and new adventures but I feel so worried that I am leaving something behind of which I'm not ready to let go. And with that worry comes an expectation of loneliness. I think anxieties just build upon themselves. But as I've been contemplating all of this I found a letter from one of my sisters that included ...
"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:6-7
Monday, June 1, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
How funny it is to pour your whole self into something for three years and then see the rug be pulled out from underneath you. I am disappointed that these kids have to go through this ... again. I know God has a plan bigger than I can imagine at this point. But I must move forward and continue pouring out my heart.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I realize how much I miss certain people even certain things: a hug to show affection, a stupid yet funny joke, my comfy firm bed, a hearty Sunday brunch, a small peaceful town, beautiful country plains, a faithful quiet church. I can't say that I'm proud that I didn't go see my family this Easter. I realized today how much I miss them.
Don't let your heart wander to far. Stay in touch. You might have to sacrifice, you might have to swallow your pride, you might even have to humble yourself but do it out of love.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
How flexible are you? So I realized while preparing myself for a day on the sunny sands at Daytona Beach that when applying suntan lotion on oneself it is pretty much impossible to get your whole back covered. So with much futility I struggled, strained and stretched trying to coat my pale skinned back of which hadn't seen sun for a few months. By the end of a nice relaxing day of wandering on the beach and playing in the waves (Note to self: it's weird being at the beach by yourself yet surrounded with hundreds of people, next time vacation with other people.) I happily made my way back to my lodging to admire a bit of a tan I had soaked in. Although as I turned admiring my body (uh ... I mean my tan-ness) in the mirror I noticed a nice red square on my back. (Note to self: ask a cute girl on the beach next time ... and then maybe you also won't be by yourself.)
Thursday, April 2, 2009
In driving on the open road, I've realized that I speed ... often. My brother-in-law's habit of driving SUPER SLOWLY has always bored me to death and annoyed me greatly. But really are we rushing to get some where or are we enjoying the journey? Enjoy the journey ... enjoy your life!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Lord you have given me a friendship that I cherish so much. Help me to love as you desire. Help me to give my heart as you desire. Help me to be a friend.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Now let us not be mistaken ... the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Should we not be thankful for both? What is God going to give you today? Hold out your begging bowl and let Him decide what you need or what you should do without.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Ready to lay your heart on the line?
It will hurt.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
PANCAKES AND LOVE
Six year old
pancakes. He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter,
opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor. He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.
Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away, knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky. And just then he saw Dad standing at the door.
Big crocodile tears welled up in
That's how God deals with us. We try to do something good in life, but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a friend or we can't stand our job or our health goes sour. Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can't think of anything else to do.
That's when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him. But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying to "make pancakes," for God or for others. Sooner or later we'll get it right, and then they'll be glad we tried...
-- Author Unknown
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
As I was out enjoying splashing in puddles and feeling the rain fall upon my face, I was reminded of the most dangerous thing I had ever done in my life. Granted it was definitely stupid but it also is one of the most exhilarating and enjoyable memories I have of my college days.
Back at K-State one night a group of friends and myself had gathered for an Ultimate Frisbee game at Old Stadium. What we weren't expecting was a severe thunderstorm lighting up the sky and crackling thunder overhead. But did that slow us down ... well only a couple times ... when the lighting crackles so loudly that everyone freezes and huddles closer to the ground yeah it makes you wonder how dumb you really are. Nevertheless, there is something to be said of the pouring down rain ... how beautiful, how refreshing, how magnificent it is.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
What do we expect to give us joy in our lives? Our friends, the ability we have to run or dance, banana granola pancakes? Maybe we are not looking in the right place. But if God is giving me direction and leading my heart, do I trust what I'm now experiencing? Is this where he has led me?
I ponder the following quote tonight. May it give you hope and peace as it does me.
"I beg you...to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer..." -Rainer Maria Rilke
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Why does it bother us so to not have the answers? Life is not black and white. Should we not instead revel in this state of unknowing. Can we simply enjoy the journey, the pursuit of knowledge and understanding?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Who is it that I want to be in merely a month from now? A loving son, a caring brother, a better uncle, a compassionate friend? Simply a better person? I suppose I could sit and write a list that feels as though it has no end or better yet, I can be a man of action. I could get off my lazy bum and seek out all those friendships that I let suffer. I could actually go visit my family! Maybe I'll just take 20 minutes out of the 40,320 minutes I have every month to write to my eldest sister. The possibilities are almost endless in this limited amount of time we have here in this world. So how are we going to spend our lives?
Are we going to live life fully. And yet not so full we forget the most important things to us? Have we forgotten or ever experienced the beauty of simplicity? Or have we just let some of the not-so-important things take priority? Most importantly, are we ready for the end? When our earthly journey comes to an end, will we be content with how we have lived? Or as Thoreau says, are we living a life of quiet desperation?