Frozen

You know today I feel alive. I mean pretty alive. I could feel even better but I'd need an extra boost of sacramental grace to make that happen! I decided last night that I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself! How often do we assume the grass is greener on the other side? How often are we waiting to be elsewhere or not simply living in the present. Well I realized its hard to live in the present when you don't know who you are or where you are going. What direction am I going in or who do I want to continuing becoming. My life's only stagnant when I let it be.

Deep down I know who I am and who I want to become but I was frozen. You could I was just trying to make it through. I am experiencing a big transition and well sometimes a big change happens and we are either overwhelmed or we jump fully into it. This time I was overwhelmed. I could write a huge list of things that worry me or that cause hesitancy or simply just make me "freeze." I begin overthinking things ... and so time stops, I quit living and just start wandering aimlessly.

So after a great conversation last night, my friend said to me ... I'm sorry. Granted I really appreciated the compassion and heartfelt conversation. But it got me wondering ... why am I feeling sorry for myself and just getting by? Am I holding on to the past ... oh yeah ... am I scared of the unknown ... sure to some extent ... am I stifling my own creativity and energy ... wow, I guess so. And so before I went to bed last night, I did what I so often used to do ... I made a list.

Today I have direction. Today I live with a purpose. Today I am alive.