Anxiety

I've been preparing for a transition in my life as the date to my new job and living in a new city approaches. Although with this new adventure I'm experiencing a new level of anxiety that I haven't experienced before. I am overly emotional and unsure of my deeper emotions that I am feeling or should I say not feeling. It makes me question, how in tune are we with ourselves?

Do we take time for reflection and analyzing our goals? As I spent some time with friends last night, one of them asked, "Why are you being all weird?" And I realize its simply because I don't want to let go of the current blessings in my life. I'm trying to control them and HOLD ON to them because I feel them slipping away.

I am usually so excited about change and new adventures but I feel so worried that I am leaving something behind of which I'm not ready to let go. And with that worry comes an expectation of loneliness. I think anxieties just build upon themselves. But as I've been contemplating all of this I found a letter from one of my sisters that included ...

"Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:6-7

Stretch ...

Anxious, afraid, nervous, excited ... all emotions I have sweeping over me currently. How interesting it is to feel so scared at a time that should be so hope filled. A new job, a new city, am I ready to stretch?

Pouring Out

It's been an interesting evening tonight as I've been sharing my news of recent. My position of youth minister is being eliminated due to budget cuts. I have been experiencing many emotions but tonight is definitely been the roughest to experience ... telling the kiddos that I won't be there much longer. To see the look of shock and disappointment on their faces ... whew, how to keep it together.

How funny it is to pour your whole self into something for three years and then see the rug be pulled out from underneath you. I am disappointed that these kids have to go through this ... again. I know God has a plan bigger than I can imagine at this point. But I must move forward and continue pouring out my heart.

Family Ties

So tonight I have been greeted with memories of my dearest late Grandmother, Grandma Genevieve. Why tonight? I don't know what makes this night special ... except well now that I think about it she passed away just around 3 years ago. Oh the memories ... I love you Grandma.

I realize how much I miss certain people even certain things: a hug to show affection, a stupid yet funny joke, my comfy firm bed, a hearty Sunday brunch, a small peaceful town, beautiful country plains, a faithful quiet church. I can't say that I'm proud that I didn't go see my family this Easter. I realized today how much I miss them.

Don't let your heart wander to far. Stay in touch. You might have to sacrifice, you might have to swallow your pride, you might even have to humble yourself but do it out of love.

Flexible?

Oh what a blessing the open road has been. Unfortunately I haven't encountered anything unusual or exciting to tell you but I do have one funny story.

How flexible are you? So I realized while preparing myself for a day on the sunny sands at Daytona Beach that when applying suntan lotion on oneself it is pretty much impossible to get your whole back covered. So with much futility I struggled, strained and stretched trying to coat my pale skinned back of which hadn't seen sun for a few months. By the end of a nice relaxing day of wandering on the beach and playing in the waves (Note to self: it's weird being at the beach by yourself yet surrounded with hundreds of people, next time vacation with other people.) I happily made my way back to my lodging to admire a bit of a tan I had soaked in. Although as I turned admiring my body (uh ... I mean my tan-ness) in the mirror I noticed a nice red square on my back. (Note to self: ask a cute girl on the beach next time ... and then maybe you also won't be by yourself.)

Experience The Now

So in an attempt to rejuvenate, I have hit the open road and am getting away for awhile. Now although I have been driving for a couple days now and I'd like to be at a destination (although tonight I am enjoying the company of a cousin in Atlanta), I realize that life is much like what I am currently experiencing - a journey. Sure it's a journey but that leads me to other thoughts ... where are you going? And if you are mindful of your destination the only thing that matters right now in the now is your journey. Are you living it fully? Are you on the path that you want to be on? Are you mindful of "smelling the flowers" or are you rushing to make it somewhere?

In driving on the open road, I've realized that I speed ... often. My brother-in-law's habit of driving SUPER SLOWLY has always bored me to death and annoyed me greatly. But really are we rushing to get some where or are we enjoying the journey? Enjoy the journey ... enjoy your life!

Grasping or Letting Go

How interesting it is when God reminds us that he is in control. How we want to grasp on to things with ALL our might. And we do so using all our energy. That's what I've been doing. Holding on because if I let go then it wouldn't be how I desired. But I'm not only too tired to continue that, I finally surrender my will. Thy will be done.

Lord you have given me a friendship that I cherish so much. Help me to love as you desire. Help me to give my heart as you desire. Help me to be a friend.